When they learned that I was moving away, family, friends and co-workers told me that I was fortunate, that I’d now have time to do all the things I hadn’t had time for previously. I’m starting to realise that I was, in fact, already doing all the things I wanted to do.
I’m missing my grandchildren terribly. I’m missing my daughter, my sons, and my friends. I’m missing my working life; the interaction with patients and co-workers. I’m missing the pulse of my old life as I struggle to re-define myself in the light of the new one. I miss the energy of my old house; the small shoes piled up at the door, the scattered toy cars, the laughter and tears of children, their sheer noisiness.
I’m having trouble sleeping at night. I can’t find the sweet center, the angle of repose. I remember as a child I had a bedtime ritual which consisted of setting stuffed animal beside stuffed animal, shoe beside shoe, doll beside doll, book beside book. I could never abandon one single thing to loneliness. I wish it were that simple right now. The aroma of change, the altered light is inescapable.
“Are you okay?”, asks Gem as he heads out to the university.
“Sure”, I nod.
“Come over and have lunch with me today?”, he says.
“I will”, I tell him.
One of my favourite bands is Great Big Sea, a Canadian group from NewFoundland. Their song ‘Ordinary Day’ never fails to brighten and comfort me. So, I’ve put that on ... and I’m going to get dressed and finish the hanging basket I started yesterday. Later, I’ll walk to the beautiful campus where Gem works and we’ll find somewhere lovely on the grounds to eat our picnic lunch.
Here for your enjoyment, some of the lyrics of 'It’s an Ordinary Day' from Great Big Sea.
“And I say way-hey-hey, it's just an ordinary day
and it's all your state of mind.
At the end of the day, you've still got to say,
it's all right.”
I enjoyed Great Big Sea! Hope you'll so feel settled into your new place. Don't they say it takes eight full weeks to make a habit? Well, surely more for a new house. Blessings and peace. xx
ReplyDeleteThat's some interesting music, & I can see why it would lift your spirits. A move such as you've undergone will certainly require time to adjust, just as Willow suggested. Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteIt is inevitable that you will miss your old life, especially as your new life has yet to provide the comfort of the familiar. But it will come. In the meantime enjoy the picnics.
ReplyDeleteI must listen to some more 'Great Big Sea'. We've been toying with the idea of moving in recent months. The one big stumbling block....is me. I can't imagine being too far away from the grandchildren just now. But, the fact is, they will grow and have their lives filled with friends and activities eventually. Perhaps we'll wait a little longer. However, sometimes work dictates where we end up.
ReplyDeleteAll good wishes to you. As Willow and John have said, it takes a little time to adjust. You'll get there.
Willow, John, Alan and Martin ... thank you. It's not even three weeks since the move. Your comments are both comforting and wise. I'm glad you enjoyed Great Big Sea.
ReplyDeleteI had to leave my family and grandchildren this past year for about seven months. I had a very hard time and I knew it was going to be temporary. I'm so sorry that you are missing your old life. It will get better with time. It always takes me some time for a new house to feel like home.
ReplyDeleteBeing away made me even more grateful for my family and friends. I wish you the best.
I have a feeling that a lot of what you are missing is your career. You did a job that is important to so many people, one that lets you know at the end of the day that you have made a difference. When I stopped teaching, I mourned for a full year. It all worked out for the best, because I was able to be a caregiver for my father, but it was one of the hardest transitions I've made. So much of our routine and our sense of self is bound up in our jobs that without them we feel bereft.
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